2017 has been a year of growth honestly. i've grown to learn more about myself (albeit not fully) though i understand that it’s not anything special that ive grown a little after 365 days bc well you're bound to learn at least one thing about yourself by the end of the year anyway haha. it's also been a year of solidifying lots of old friendships. i might not have made many new friends this year but i've grown to be more comfortable about that and i've also learned not to be too hard on myself for not being like everyone else.
2017 has also been a year where i celebrated chinese new year without my aunt; which was weird. it never really hit me that she's gone but going home and actually experiencing her absence in my hometown where she was always there made me realize that she is actually gone. i rly want to ask her sons and her grandchildren about how they feel about it but i really never had the courage to do so. it seems silly to say this but i hope her grandson never forgets how much she loved him and i hope she remains forever in his memory.
2017 is also a year of me losing all my photos and videos of concerts because my phone died and i did not fucking backup anything lol. but this is when i realized that hey, digital photos on my phone don't rly matter. they'd all disappear one day anyway. maybe i should get back into film and really get to printing all the pictures i took in korea lol.
oh hey and i also attended some concerts!
1. tdcc & last dinos (yes last dinos again)
2. noname (alone!)
and they were awesome. it's also a year where i realized that i rly love attending live events. And going to concerts alone dont seem as scary anymore. well if anyone thinks that im weird when they see me standing alone at concerts, im not gonna lie, i am. im probably feeling lonely af too. but i find that these experiences rly help me grow accustom to the feeling of loneliness and i dont feel as bad about it anymore. ofc it’s not a nice feeling but it's defos not the only bad feeling there is in this world. so if you’re put in a position to feel that way, what else can u do about it other than to accept it right?? i've also watched tons of movies in the cinema alone this year too but unlike going to concerts alone, going to the cinemas alone is actually enjoyable. i definitely like going to watch movies alone more than going with friends where i have to watch what i dont want to watch. i also like to feel like im THERE when im spending money to watch movies on a big screen and i dont think that’s achievable when you go watch movies with other people where it’s more of a socializing event than going to watch THE MOVIE itself. (lol maybe bc i dont have friends who actually enjoy watching films)
and in the year of 2018, i'd be turning 23. it's crazy being past 20 but i guess age rly doesnt make a difference. nothing much will change as per my current life situation lol. idk if it's just me but as im older now, im starting to put less expectations on how my life will turn out to be and i realize that going into a different year really isn't any different than going into another day. i guess people do reflections on new years bc it's just nice to have a day where you can look back and reflect and try to make sense of things that have happened in ur life, u know, just once in a while.
<3
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