i know there's a fine line between knowing your own faults and working on it vs being insecure all the time. but can someone pls tell me if what im feeling all the time is actually problematic or is it just an indicator that i JUST NEED TO START IMPROVING MYSELF AND RISE ABOVE OTHERS??????
i know that i'm certainly not fat or overweight but im not thin and skinny or fit. i do not have chiseled abs. i do not have a thigh gap. i do not have a bikini bod. and i know that these things are certainly achievable. it's just that i NEED to make an effort to obtain these goals. i am now trying to restrict my food intake, i work out too (sometimes), and what i'm doing is done moderately. but i'm just starting to question myself if this mentality is in any way.... unhealthy? I feel like I've become obsessed with looks? I feel like... I am always not enough?? And I'm confused to when to stop feeling this way??? Do I still have to make improvements???? And when is this going to stop???? I mean I am of course aware that people have to improve themselves all the time, and learn new skills and grow and whatever shit????? But?????????????? When does this stop? I feel like it never stops does it?? TBH for me to actually have the motivation to do something, I feel like I always I have to feel bad about myself first, and I feel fucking sick of this feeling now. wtf. i know i'll gain something out of the effort in the end but HOW DO I STOP MYSELF FROM FEELING THIS AND JUST GET TO WORK ON WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO WORK ON?
holy shit and i am also constantly envious about other people's skills?? like.... okay don't laugh but i like to sing but i am very aware that I CANNOT FUCKING SING. WTF. im not tone deaf yeah, but i am not good either.................. and i've also come to realise that... it's not actually something that you can work on? a person's voice can be powerful and everything and she can hit high notes but it's different from a person who naturally has a nice voice? the raspy, soothing voice that i want??????? tell me???? how to obtain that??????? *bawls eyes out*
oh but im happy that i've actually come to the point where i don't give a damn about my facial features anymore. i know that im fucking ugly; and with makeup i actually look worse wtf, but yeah it's fun and i still do it occasionally, just to scare people, u know. wtf.
but idk man, this is a struggle. i don't actually know the difference between being complacent and being grateful with what you have anymore. i wish i were much simpler and not overthink this but i srsly think tumblr has fucked me up big time with their 'girls with insecurity issues' hahahaha. maybe i just need to fucking work out and get that body that i want so much and stop thinking if this is actually unhealthy.... maybe this is just another excuse for me to skip workouts. fuck.
Hey Meidelynn (I'm not too sure I spelled your name correctly, sorry if I got it wrong). First things first, no, it is neither problematic nor is it an indicator that you have to improve yourself and rise above others. It is just an illogical insecurity which you seriously do not need to worry about. Either the mentality is unhealthy or not depends on how you look at it. Yes, improvements are always good but don't push yourself too much, have a healthy diet instead of fasting. Also, learning is a life long process, you either continue learning all the way or you can stop when until you're contempt with what you have. If you like doing something, then do it, you don't need to be good at it. Isn't that the whole point of having a hobby? To have some time to yourself, to do something that you love doing? If you feel that you're bad at it, do it anyway. For me, I'm really bad at playing Dota but I still do it anyway cuz it's fun haha. I've just started hitting the gym just a few weeks ago and I'm like a pimp going there surrounded by giants, can't help to think that people might be looking down on me but hey, everyone has to start somewhere. I'm doing it because I know that it is good for me also like you I wish that I can look better. I freakin weigh 53kg for a guy. I'm actually very surprised that you think that you're ugly cuz I personally dont think you are. One thing about you that I have always admired is your smile, you have a very nice smile I'll give your that. And you always seem enthusiastic and excited all the time and that had always been the prettiest part about you. No, this is not a pity comment, I'm just letting you know you're looking at it the wrong way, you are pretty in your own way and I really think so. We know that we can't be as pretty or as handsome as poster model, so we shouldn't try to be but there is no harm trying to improve ourselves to be close so don't skip workouts haha. Just do what you can to improve yourself without thinking that you need to do it because you're ugly or worth less or something.
ReplyDeleteHAHHAA OMG thanks so much for taking the time to read this crappy post and to actually reply it!!!! but yeah, thank you!!!!!!!!! how're u btw?
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